Maybe the poem The Uses of Sorrow, by Mary Oliver, says it best: "Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness." It took me years to know that it, too, was a gift.
Grief is something at some stage in our lives that we all go through. The frequency, strength, strategies for coping, and stories all vary. The feelings we encounter are the same, however. We are all, therefore, connected and never alone.
How many individuals take the time to accept their loss and grieve it? How many individuals are preventing this loss? Let's face it, grief is not a pleasant experience to go through, but it is an essential one, as paralyzing as it sounds.
At any given moment, the five stages of grief will occur in and out of order and recur. Usually, it's when we least expect it, not linear mourning, after all. Denial, anger, negotiation, depression , and acceptance are these stages.
One of the most challenging abilities to master when going on with life is dealing with sorrow, which I know for sure. You put grief in your back pocket one day, forget about it, and grief has you in its back pocket before you know it.
Suddenly, without warning or permission, you feel like a wild card being thrown down and played randomly. The feelings of sorrow are strong and uneasy. Think of it this way, though: this time is like the start of a race when a loss first occurs, as if you are standing at the starting line.
You need to complete the race in order to move forward. Are you going to sit forever at the starting line? Or are you going to start running at your own speed slowly, taking breaks and being gentle with yourself?
During grief, there is no timetable or clock that keeps track because you need to process the pain and learn from your causes. Everybody is different, and you are included in that. Some days, of course, it'll be hard, but on others, you'll learn so much and go so far.
When people decide not to do something about their sadness, they suppress their feelings, and they get locked into place when feelings are suppressed. With sickness, the body and mind respond because it's the only way out.
Darkness exists for a reason. Something in our lives is trying to teach us, and our job is to figure out what that is.
The lessons learned are the gifts kept within the darkness. Maybe this loss has made you see life differently and you pay more attention to the little stuff.
From this point on, you are more aware of your own desires and how you want to live your life. We may never "get over it," but we can choose to adapt and cope. We're able to develop scar tissue. We may choose to be gentle and get on with ourselves.
They say that death happens to teach us about life, it teaches us what is important. If that's so, then maybe sadness is the other side of love, showing that you care, and that it's worth celebrating in itself.
